it’s THRILLING HEROICS:30, y’all

April 13, 2008

hidden hazards of pacing

Filed under: health — jayangel @ 4:20 pm
Tags:

Remember a few days ago I was talking about how I’m not using all the extra energy I’ve finally gained back?

…well, it’s an ongoing process, this pacing thing, and I’m using too much of the extra energy. Certainly not all of it, but. It’s really hard, when you’re not feeling completely comatose, to be completely comatose anyway. It’s frustrating, and you want to do more, but you know you need to keep that energy, so you do a little more but that turns out to be too much. Which is doubly frustrating, because you were so sure you were going to keep improving from here. But the hard work has barely started, so you have to knuckle down again and not get ahead of yourself.

I have a habit of getting ahead of myself. The trick is to develop the corresponding habit of catching that and reversing it.

I tell you what, having CFS really does keep your personal development on the surface.

3 Comments »

  1. I can utterly empathize with your constant inner struggle with wanting to do more, twinnie. I do the same thing when I feel completely out of it, panicky, depressed. I beat myself up over it time and time again. The overriding thought is: I’m young, my mind is capable. So what is the problem?

    It’s so much more than just being intellectually capable. The body has a long, long memory, and it takes forever to change, even when the mind is convinced it’s fine. The mind, in your case, gets convinced you’re fine. But boy do you PAY for it when it gets fooled into thinking that. And you know, it’s not one bit wrong. Learning not to push too hard is extremely difficult. It’s so hard when you want to just live, and be.

    I just wanted to say that I think I know where you’re coming from, dearling. Just be very good to yourself — you deserve that, no matter what. And lean on people when you need it.

    -T

    Comment by laerwen — April 13, 2008 @ 4:49 pm | Reply

  2. *hugs*

    (this is Jenn from LJ btw – this is my “let’s go to medical school aka i’m slowly growing crazy” blog)

    Comment by Funbags — April 14, 2008 @ 5:05 am | Reply

  3. Ugh, I can imagine. Well, not really, but you get it. To feel better than you’ve felt in a long time, and still not be able to do anything must suck, big time. *supports*

    Comment by annon-of-rhi — April 14, 2008 @ 1:32 pm | Reply


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